This time next week me and Andy will be in Florida acting like big kids and running around theme parks waving magic wands and screaming spells at the top of our lungs.
I’m so excited, but I’ve not been able to relax and get in the holiday spirit yet. Why? Because having an ostomy means you have to really plan before you go on a long trip…
Today’s supplies came all packaged up from Charter. I hope that I have enough now for the long trip ahead, and if not it’s too late to order more now! I’ve got loads of appliances, around three a day, as they just don’t seem to be sticking for longer than a day at the moment, and I can’t stand the idea of a leak while I’m upside down on a roller coaster – now that would be messy!
Anyway, the hardest part of preparing for the holiday so far has been sorting out vacation wardrobe. You’ll laugh but this is the heaviest I’ve been in years – I’m now 8stone, which is two stone heavier than when I left hospital following my first op last year! And, if I’m honest, I don’t know how to deal with it!
It’s great not being skin and bone, looking healthy, and I haven’t really got bigger – I still fit in the same clothes and don’t want to lose weight! It’s horrible to say, that for years of struggling with my weight (ballooning with steroids and going down to a skeleton the rest if the time) I don’t feel great for finally reaching, what my doctor says, is a normal weight! I feel lethargic, run down, my skin and eyes are a mess, my hair is dull, and I feel depressed and grumpy. Basically I’m not myself – and all I can think is it’s a combination of stress and my body simply not being used to carrying around the extra load.
I used to swim around 100 lengths every day, run, dance and walk almost everywhere. But I’ve not really been able to get back into it since my op, I’ve felt run down and fed up, and every time I’ve tried to start training my skin has flared up and stopped me, making me feel even worse.
Trying to tell people this is difficult. I can’t say I feel heavy or fat – as let’s face it, I’m still tiny! But when you have lived the majority of your life in aged 9-10 clothes and been so tiny it’s painful, getting bigger is a weird feeling. I can’t moan or people will think I’ve got some sort of body issue, but I don’t feel good – I guess I need to get used to it!
Anyway, this has been brought even more to the forefront by trying to find outfits for the beach to wear with my ostomy! I’ve been swimming loads of times since my op, but I wanted to get a really pretty costume, or even bikini, to make me feel good about myself.
I’ve not been sunbathing on a beach with Winnie – I’m frightened, but I can’t wait! The pictures in the press recently of women sunbathing with their ostomy bags on show have filled me with confidence. I just have to hope the one I’ve ordered makes me feel that confident!!